Sex, drugs and rape…I blame the parents
Ayesha Al Khoori | March 19, 2013
When my traineeship at The National began, I was excited to hear I would start by covering court. I’d always wondered what went on at a trial and whether it was like what I had seen on television. The experience promised to be a highlight of life in the newsroom, so when the opportunity arose, I wasted no time in taking it.
Having now covered many trials, I have to admit, I love court reporting.
I love the drama of court, and the passion it provokes when controversial cases appear in the newspaper. The court rooms may not be as big as on TV, and not as scary, but there’s always plenty of drama.
On my first day, I couldn’t fail to notice just how crowded the place was. Busy-looking people holding stacks of folders and piles of papers would whirl around me, lost in a kafka-esque labyrinth as they searched for their destination; others would walk in calmly, knowing exactly where to go.
At first, I was one of those lost in the labyrinth, feeling hopelessly out of place. Even differentiating between the lawyers and the judges seemed an impossible task.
Thank God my colleague Haneen was there to guide me, showing me what to do, where to sit and who to speak to. Slowly but surely, I saw a method to the madness.
As I did so, I noticed a disturbing trend. Most of the defendants were young men, aged 20-30, usually Arab and more often than not accused of crimes such as sex-out-of-wedlock, buying and selling drugs and rape.
As a reporter, sitting through case after case, it’s easy to become indifferent to the fate of those before the court, but one trial in particular saddened me and stuck in my mind. A young man, 21, was facing life in jail for trading and consuming hashish.
We were the same age, but facing starkly different futures. I was looking forward to a sparkling career in journalism…he would probably spend his life in confinement. Two young lives, one with endless potential, one where potential had ended.
I remember too, his mother, the tears trickling down her face as she stared sadly at her son through the glass door that separated him from the rest of the court.
The glass is barely an inch thick, yet it is wide enough to separate two worlds. One of these is the world in which we reporters, lawyers and judges live – a cosy world full of clever people and glamorous careers where each case is written about, argued over and pontificated upon, before being filed away and forgotten, as we head back home to our families and fulfilling lives, and put to bed just another day at the office.
The other world is that of the defendant, a suspended world where all life stops, waiting for a judgment and the scales of justice to tilt.
In this case, those scales tilted in the young man’s favour, as he was judged to have a mental disorder and was spared a custodial sentence.
But the case made me wonder – would this young man’s brush with the law change him for the better? Or would he soon be back in front of the judge, having failed to have learnt his lesson?
And what about the mother, whose sorrow was so plain to see? Was it not her responsibility to show her son the right path in life? Then why had she failed?
Of course, neither the mother nor the father can be entirely to blame – at 21 their son was old enough to take responsibility for his own mistakes – yet at the same time every parent is responsible for their child’s upbringing.
My parents and siblings have played a very large role in my life, and it is because of them and their support that I am now enjoying a fulfilling career – rather than sitting in the dock.
I know that the encouragement my father has given me ever since I was a child has shaped the person I now am. Yes, I am flawed and I make mistakes…but are my mistakes equal to those who are serving time behind bars?
The truth is, this is just one of the countless cases in which young lives are being needlessly wasted. And in every case, I cannot help but wonder: Where are the parents? Why are they allowing their children to take such paths?
How many more lives must be wasted before parents realise that if they are to guide and influence their children they must first be present in their lives?
How long before they realise that if they do not help their children reach for their dreams, they too may be standing in a courtroom one day, crying as those dreams are crushed.
nice article… but in my opinion, any personality will be shaped by many factors; the first one is his/her parents. Secondly, friends, and the most dangerous one is the media with all the different types.
The failures of a son are the failures of his parents.
My greatest fear growing up was that i would disappoint my parents, and that kept me out of trouble.
And i think there is no greater achievement for a human other than to see their progeny exceed them.
Beautiful words, inspirational speech.
I enjoyed reading your article, even though I am not much of a reading person. I normally just glance thru, it’s so true and it is blame game, who do we pin down !!! parents, friends, society, culture, influences, movies…..at the end its how you grow up with what values, kids always grow up looking at the role model around them how is life conducted around them, what friends they keep, they know or thought what is right and wrong, value for money, value for human being, love they get at home and away. I would like to stress LOVE has nothing to do with materialist value or fulfilling all the desire or measure up to what others are doing or can afford/given.Keep up with your spirit of writing. Wish all the best
Loved the first half of your article, then had to furrow my brow at the rest. Parents are definitely a big influence on a child’s life, but other factors are also to blame. Dumping it all on the parents’ shoulders is totally unfair, and I’m sure the guilt they are already feeling is enough without society throwing judgemental glances their way.
I had liked very much , after reading I thougt to bring atleast to the childrens parents who send their kids to Sharjah Corniche i.e. near to ALkhan
specially during thursdays,Fridays and saturdays, I had seen below 16 years of age girls or boys smoking the cigerrates and dancing on the roads,
I strong felt to write as it was in my mind more than a year. We go walking everyday and see most of the time on weekends school and college childrens smoke cigarrates on the roads near beachside from Alkhan beach to behind sharjah expo. I thought atleast we can stop in this way.
I hope the authorities will take action.
Bad fruit is often a result of bad or no nurturing. The over reliance on maid as the primary carer along with no sense of religious upbringing and ethics and morality are some of the basic factors. As long as people opt for easy way out, society will continue to suffer.
Well it always seems sad looking at the way things are with the people going behind bars or being accused. However I do understand you feel as you feel because you are still very young and positively look at a very bright future. However the Almighty has His plans for each of us and maybe someday a person behind bar can help see his purpose in life as reform in better ways than many of us.
Parents cannot be held solely responsible for the shortcomings of their children.
Popular culture and Society are seething with individualistic behavior driven messages and Single parents can only do so much to influence a child while bearing financial responsibilities.
The list of factors that result in the shortcomings of parents cannot be tallied as there are too many forces at play here. (economic hardship, death of a spouse, social status)
Majority of parents don’t wish to fail their child, they do their perceived best. However, the apple falls far from the tree sometimes.
After reading your ferrari child drivers article, I look forward to the day when you will be sitting on the other side of the glass.
harsh but straight to the point. She is out of order writing judgmental articles but not looking at her own mistakes. Bad attitudes with bad pride. Good writer bad example.
Ayesha my dear, you might not be so far off sitting in the same dock with your mother in tears. Why you ask? Because you insist on exceeding the speed limit and endangering the lives of others. The man in this story broke the law and went to jail.
He surely did not want to or expect to but he got caught; he had an addiction that caused him to cross the line and he hurt nobody but himself and his own family. You too seem to have a dangerous addiction: speeding. You know that it is illegal and dangerous but you still do it. Every time you speed, you take the lives of others in your hands. Only God can say who is more of a criminal; one who carelessly harms their own body or one who carelessly takes the life of another. The law of man puts them both in prison side by side.