Marrying the responses to being an Emirati woman with a career
Ayesha Al Khoori | January 28, 2013
My post on Thursday about how a career was hurting my chances of marriage has certainly provoked quite a response, with about 30 retweets, five emails, and many comments.
I expected to be attacked for the somewhat “radical” notion of even thinking about deciding for myself whom I should marry, instead of having my parents find a suitable husband for me. And while there were some who said women had to accept what they were given, more than I expected were positive.
Young people, especially, were supportive – even those who were not Emirati or even Arab. Many said it would be better if we as young men and women are able to represent ourselves in society, and to show our families how we are fully capable of making the right choice of life partner. I mean, we know ourselves better, and we know what we would like to have in the future. Who better understands us?
I knew when I wrote the original post that it would be controversial. I was ready to accept criticism, and I did accept it. To those who wished me luck in my chosen career choice I say thank you. And to those who chose to judge me, I also say thank you. Having such people around me only shows me how much I, as a person, am developing.
Again, I know myself more than anyone else does. I am more aware of my own community and my surroundings. I have seen and heard and physically lived through many issues that I do not agree with, but am forced to live with. I know what I want, and how to get it.
I want a home and a family and I want to be able to raise my children, and raise them well. But, I don’t want a husband who will control me. That is not what married life is about, as that is how it is perceived as in the society that I live in. Marriage is about mutual respect and understanding, whether I am a working woman or a stay-at-home mother. Hopefully, that is what I will have if and when I am married.
Well said! I applaud you for seeing the bigger picture for your culture. It is gratifying to see the UAE moving to accept women in the workforce and finding a relationship on their own. Life is much easier if your chosen partner loves you for who you are and not forced upon you. As with much of the world women who are allowed to grow and learn are a treasure to their countries – if only more men would see this and help their countrywomen achieve their goals and allow them to flourish rather than to oppress, the world would be a much better place and I believe that countries would be surprised at how their women would be more productive rather than feeling like women were stealing their jobs.
Way to go, Ayesha! May you find what you’re looking for. The hand that rocks the cradle should rightfully belong to a woman who is cherished for all that she is as a human being by her husband. Changes in society cannot happen overnight. We need to work harder to prove that our intentions and motives are not disruptive, but constructive. One step at a time. I wish you happiness.
Dear Ayesha,
What you are thinking is not wrong but if you look around the general consensus is that when a woman works as a professional she develops her personality to a degree much different than the one she would probably develop at home, married with children or without, be it whatever.
I feel the society is greatly influenced by the general consensus that when a woman gets out of the house and goes to work, she tends to put her family (husband and kids) second to her work, priorities variate.The husband and kids feel ignored (or just the husband because kids probably do not realize any difference for a number of years) and the husband feels intimidated…yes the same guy who might have once supported you in getting a job at first because you felt you were being useless sitting at home.
General consensus is also that when a woman works she gains confidence and independence and challenges the husbands position of the sole provider of the house. Not sure about this but most men have traits of not being challenged by a woman. Its a natural instinct with them. If a woman says even once, i will get this with MY money, which working women tend to at some point or the other, it gets ugly in a relationship.
Society, culture and religious understandings are different for everyone….Society believes in the norm, a working woman is definitely not the norm in our societies.
I think one forgets that all our cultures are derived from our faiths and probably we just need to look back at what we believe in because really that will tell you what the norm of society should be.
Keep it up, Ayesha. Hope to see you editing The National one day
WOW! what an article and response. I am writing an MBA thesis on Emiratisation in the banking system of RAK. The responses are quite thought provoking. The university profs suggested I write a peer-reviewed journal article on my results. I will include your article (with proper referencing) in my review of the Literature.
Thanks again for the thought provoking article.