Asmaa Al Hameli | March 25, 2013
These days, too many people are caught up in making their wedding more memorable than their marriage. The bond between man and woman has become a joke. Too often, we walk away from our problems instead of dealing with them.
Yesterday, my colleague Ayesha Al Khoori wrote a piece on marriage. She presented three case studies of young people. In one of the scenarios, the reason behind the divorce was ridiculous.
Mansour, the husband, got to know his wife through his family. Two months later, their marriage began falling apart. The cause of their break-up was the stubbornness of the wife.
He said she wanted her own villa even though he had spent Dh500,000 fixing up a section in his family’s villa. She wanted it so badly because one of her friend’s had a villa of her own.
The husband tried his best to reconcile, but to no avail. I do not blame her parents for her bad behaviour because when a girl reaches a certain age, she is responsible for her actions. The family’s role is to advise her, and they advised her to stay married.
This is not an isolated incident. I have come across many stories where the woman wants more from the marriage, materially, than the husband.
Many marriage counsellors suggest that lack of communication is the root cause of problem. But in my opinion, many young people do not know the real meaning of marriage. It is a spiritual and emotional bonding. When the foundation of a marriage is weak, it is difficult to build upon it.
One of the verses of the Quran teaches us that husband and wife should be like “garments” for one another (2:187). Garments are not made only of a few knots, but of thousands of little stitches of thread. In marital terms, those small stitches and knots are the accumulation of small words and deeds each day.
Our marriage garment should give us warmth and protection. If it fails to give us comfort, then it is no wonder a person would hurry to be rid of it. If one person in the marriage does not offer the comfort, the other will soon take off the garment.
Couples need to clothe each other with compassion, kindness, humility, good humour, forgiveness and patience. Marriage is a two-way relationship with no room for selfishness.